Backwards Into Beauty
by justwr1te
Summary: Set immediately after 1x08, TNT apparently cut out the scene of what happens immediately after Agent Dean leaves the restaurant and Jane is joined by Maura, Frankie and Frost, so here is my take on it. Rizzles!


Title:

_Backwards Into Beauty_

**Author: **LJBard

**Summary: **Set immediately after 1x08, TNT apparently cut out the scene of what happens immediately after Agent Dean leaves the restaurant and Jane is joined by Maura, Frankie and Frost, so here is my take on it. Rizzles!

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING!

**Reviews:** Yes, pleaseeeee?

**A/N:** I have to send a shout out to the lovely Dorothy Snarker, whom, without her wonderful recaps of Rizzoli & Isles, I never would have found the photo to inspire this ficlet. I do hope you all enjoy and by all means, please go visit Ms. Snarker's AFTER ELLEN review page to see the recaps! Enjoy!

-x-

_I should not be here_, Maura Isles mused as she came into the Dirty Robber, directly behind a very tired Detective Frost, and a forlorn Frankie Rizzoli. Maura could understand both of their urges to wish to speak with Jane before the night was over, but Maura did not want to interrupt Jane's date with the handsome FBI Agent Gabriel Dean.

"Aw, c'mon, I shoot my date and she comes here to make out with her own?" Frankie sighed, trying to lighten the situation as they paused upon the sight of Jane taking Dean's face in her hands and kissing him.

The strings of Maura's heart wound tightly and then snapped around her heart, aching in time with the churning of her stomach. _Stop being ridiculous, Maura, you practically handed Jane over to him on a silver platter… you should be happy for her_.

Maura watched as Jane pulled away from the kiss and looked almost ready to cry, Maura blinked, tilting her head in confusion.

"I'm gonna order a drink, you want anything?" Frost offered, hoping to give the couple their respective space, Maura knew that Frost would rather face Hoyt without a weapon than an angry Jane Rizzoli any day, Maura did not blame him.

"Cabernet," Maura responded automatically. She could definitely use a drink, but she could not tear her eyes away from the scene unfolding before her, she watched as Dean paid for the meal, would not look Jane in the eye, nor did she seem to try either, instead, turning her head into her hand and struggling not to break down, Dean stood and left, Maura hid behind one of the bearings, careful not to be seen as Dean exited the slowly growing crowd of the bar.

Maura glanced back over at Jane, and saw the first tear, then a second, fall down her beautiful face and Maura's heart clenched. _Oh Jane…_

Frost arrived back with her drink and Maura nodded over to Jane who was wiping at the tears, frustrated and took a long swig of her beer, Maura downed half of her glass of wine before she followed Frost over, Frankie grabbed his beer off of the counter and traipsed behind a little less enthusiastically.

"Jane," Maura approached, cautious. Jane physically jumped out of her chair at her name being spoken, and twisted around to see Maura, Frost and Frankie.

"Hey… what's going on?" Jane asked, clearing her throat. Her eyes darkened in pain as she connected eyes with her brother, she looked away and sadly, up to Maura. Maura ached to touch Jane, offer some support, she reached out her hand and touched her shoulder, squeezing gently with a smile.

"We came to see that you were okay – with everything that happened tonight," Maura explained. Jane straightened at the touch, feeling Maura's warm hand on her shoulder lifted her spirits and she reached up with her other hand to grasp it in her own and squeeze back.

The three of them seated themselves, Maura closest to Jane where Dean had been sitting prior. Frost began talking about the case load ahead of them but Jane, watching her brother's face, stopped him.

"Frost, let's just… talk about this later, I really don't want to think about work right now – sorry," Jane shrugged, sheepishly. Maura watched the exchange between brother and sister, seeing Frankie's eyes knowingly search his sisters, and then light up at the prospect of understanding. Maura envied their closeness, the bond between them was something she had never experienced with any other person, having grown up an only child, and she had always wondered what it would have been like to have a sister or brother of her own.

"No problem, I have to get going though, I'll see ya tomorrow, Rizzoli," Frost gave a weak smile, and bid his adieu. Jane looked to Frankie.

"Frankie… I am so sorry-" Jane sighed.

"For what?" Frankie asked, honestly confused.

"For this.. this mess, I got you into it," Jane rubbed her face, a common condition Maura noticed she would associate with Jane when she was frustrated or upset or both. Maura placed a hand on Jane's knee, and felt the muscle beneath it twitch involuntarily at the touch, but then relax. "I never dreamed of bringing Hoyt into your life as well…"

"Janie," Frankie said sternly, but the endearment did not go unnoticed by either woman. "Listen, I am a cop, it was bound to happen sometime that I wound up getting caught up in a relationship with the wrong gal… or that something like this may happen-"

"But it shouldn't happen Frankie, that's just it! You don't know what can happen, Ma would never let me live it down if something happened to you, and Hell neither would I!" Jane vented.

"Jane-" Maura tried to interrupt.

"Don't bring Ma into this, Janie, she doesn't understand, and it seems that you don't either," Frankie grasped Jane's hands in his own and held strong. "Just because you're a Detective, because you're my _sister_ doesn't mean that you have to bear the burden of this cruel world alone…"

Jane waited for Frankie to collect himself, his jaw set in anger, but not directed at her.

"I'm a cop because I love what I do, I love protecting people, and you can't keep thinkin' that it would be your fault if something happened to me, because it wouldn't…" Frankie sighed. "Ma will need to understand that as well… someday, when and _if_ something happens, damn it, it'll be me and my own, not you, not the force, not _nobody's_ fault but for whatever the love of what I have done, _that_ is my job. Tonight, sure it sucked that I had to shoot my girlfriend… but Jane if I had to do it over again, if it meant savin your life - to ensure that you lived? I wouldn't have changed a thing."

Jane's eyes brimmed with tears and Maura thought for a moment about stepping away from the moment between the siblings but then Frankie blinked and looked at Maura and knowingly back at Jane before letting out a small smile of hope.

"I gotta get back to my apartment," Frankie finished his drink and then pressed a kiss to Jane's forehead. "Get some sleep, promise me?"

"I promise I'll get sleep… eventually," Jane cracked a broken smile at her brother as he stood and he tapped her chin with his forefinger before nodding at Maura.

"Make sure to take care of my sis, would ya, Maura?" he left before Maura could respond.

Jane leaned back into the table and placed her face in her hands. Maura studied Jane for a moment, waiting to decipher what she could say next without upsetting her best friend any further.

"You want me to take you home?" Maura asked, simply, hoping that she could coax Jane into getting a little rest before they went back to work tomorrow morning. Jane curled her hands up and looked at Maura, saying nothing, but her eyes were a myriad of emotion; pain, fear, hurt, frustration, endearment, rage, devotion, anger, love… Maura blinked, but then the look was gone, had she seen right?

Jane stood and gathered her jacket, Maura then led the way out of the bar where she was parked, Maura did not see Jane's car in the parking lot, she unlocked the doors to her sleek black Mustang and Jane crawled into the passenger side, clicking her seatbelt on with silence as they drove.

"I kissed him," Jane stated, quietly. The admission fell on Maura's heart heavily, and Jane's voice grew gravelly as she repeated her statement. "I actually kissed him."

"Are you planning to see him again?" Maura asked, immediately wishing she hadn't, because she did not want to hear the answer…

"No," Jane's answer was stern, automatic and left with no room for argument. "I don't know why I did it though…"

"You don't know why you kissed him?" Maura asked, feeling her lungs contract with air at the relief of Jane's response, but then her mind whirled in confusion at Jane's statement.

"I don't know why I pushed him away… why I pushed Grant away, or Jorge-"

"I thought you didn't like Jorge-" Maura asked, confused.

"That's beside the point Maura…" Jane stared out the window, blank. "I push aside every man that comes into my life… you even said so yourself once, my Ma always reminds me of it… Frankie and Frost and Korsak are the only men in my life, oh, and Dad, of course, that I trust completely… and you – well you're my only constant."

"I'm not sure I understand where you are trying to lead this conversation to, Jane," Maura said, slowly as they pulled up to her home, and she parked the vehicle, and stared at Jane, concerned. Jane stared out into the night as small drops of rain sputtered onto the windshield, the radio was on low, playing a song Jane had never heard before, and she looked at Maura, seeing her as if for the very first time.

"Why do you put up with me, Maura?"Jane's voice grew unsteady, insecure. The lump in Jane's throat grew, afraid of the answer Maura may come up with.

"Jane?" Maura breathed; horrified at watching her friend's walls crumble around her.

"I am no good, I am broken, damaged, I am irritable, scarred," Jane clenched her hands. "When I kissed Dean, all I could think was _how long will it be before someone better comes along?_" Jane's eyes swiveled toward Maura's and Maura's breath was stolen by the intensity and tears shining in those beautiful brown orbs.

"How long until I no longer have you around?" Jane asked, her voice hitched with fear and laced with pain. "Dean left, Grant left, Jorge.. well we know what happened there… countless boyfriends in High school – how long until you or anyone else for that matter, can stand to put up with me?"

"Jane, stop," Maura took Jane's hands in her own. Jane tried to pull away, but Maura held them firmly. "Jane I will not leave you, I _cannot_ leave you, not ever, unless you asked me to leave, I am here, always."

Something that sounded similar to a sob broke through Jane's chest, out of her throat, and she shook, like a leaf clinging to its branch in gale force winds, Maura knew logically she could not hold Jane the way she wanted to with the gear shift and the armrests between them, so she turned to shut off the engine, glancing apologetically at Jane, before helping Jane out of the car and then shuffling them into the house.

Once inside, Maura shed their jackets and placed them in the hall closet, and offered Jane a drink. Jane shook her head and quietly dismissed herself to Maura's spare bedroom where Maura found her moments later, burrowed under the covers, arms crossed around her chest protectively curled into a ball. Maura could take no more of Jane's self-loathing.

She shut the door and turned out the lights, the streetlights from outside, streaming in through the slanted blinds, was Maura's only way of seeing Jane as she crawled into bed and pulled a reluctant Jane toward her. Jane resisted Maura's embrace but as Maura's lips collided with her own, Jane moaned and melted into the contact, wrapping her arms around Maura's back, she wasted no time in responding to the kiss.

Maura was a logical person, and she knew that, somewhere, despite her inability to think clearly, it was impossible how she could not think of anything the moment Jane's lips touched her own… how her brain automatically ran into overdrive and then completely snapped off, as though she were floating outside of her own mind and body, and Jane was her only anchor.

Jane's tongue swept along Maura's bottom lip and, as dearly as she wished to grant her access, Maura pulled away for air, shocked at what she had done and terrified of Jane's response. Jane's arms tightened around her waist, however and Maura nuzzled the brunette's neck, pressing a soft kiss at the small built tissue where a scalpel had once been and left a tiny, almost insignificant scar.

Jane tensed at the contact and her eyes shot open, suddenly realizing what had transpired and why. She began to fall apart.

"Maura…" Jane croaked, her voice tinged with fear.

"Jane, I hope that this does not ruin our friendship, but I can no longer simply allow you to believe that you are incapable of being loved, and before you argue, don't try, because I know that is where this was going, you think that because you've pushed these dominant male figures out of your life, that you'll never find someone whom you can settle," Maura breathed.

"The truth is Jane, perhaps you're just looking in the wrong places, perhaps it's time you stop being so afraid to fall in love, and just let yourself _fall_," Maura kissed Jane's lips sweetly; Jane's eyes remained wide, searching. "I will be here Jane, every time, to catch you, just like you've always been there for me. If you don't believe anything else in this world, at least believe that, believe in me."

Jane was silent, hearts beating in tandem with one another, she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Maura's, closing her eyes and just feeling the small tufts of warm breath from Maura on her face.

"I'm scared," Jane admitted, trembling. Maura's heart broke at the sound.

"I know, Jane, I am scared, too," Maura whispered, understanding. Jane had been unable to open up like this to anyone before, unable to fully let her heart show to anyone but Maura. Maura had been there through it all, through Hoyt, through the times when Jane couldn't even rely on the safety and comfort of her family, Maura was there, and now, Maura needed _her_.

Jane opened her eyes and saw Maura's face, contorted with a confusion of pain and love, Jane saw the hesitance in Maura's eyes as hazel darkened to emerald and normal breathing patterns turned erratic. Jane leaned forward, capturing Maura's mouth, and sunk into the warmth. Jane's heart began piecing back together, unable to recall this feeling that she now knew she'd been waiting her entire life for, she knew Maura was it.

It was like floating, flying, soaring up through the air; yet remaining grounded all at the same time, and Maura was her only thought, her only savior, her angel.

"I love you," Maura's voice chimed through the darkness, expelling light into Jane's soul, as they slowly began to explore one another, taking their time, because no one knew how long forever could last, but both women were eager to let each moment be cherished for every sigh, every whimper, every kiss and touch. They had each other, and that's all that mattered.

* * *

**AN**: so this was just a small piece written while i was very tired, overstressed and now i hope you will all do me a solid and leave a review for me, as i hope this story will break my writers block and soon i will post more rizzles! :) thanks a ton!


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